The Wrong Trolley, Dogs On Fabric & Duckhunt Censorship

"My branch is located in a retail park surrounded by carpet shops, restaurants and fucking B&Q"

You’re not going to believe me when I say I haven’t found anything to moan about this week, so that’s a wrap – see you next week!

Oh, you’re still here. Well you were right not to believe me because I was lying through my teeth. I can always find something to moan about, no matter how trivial, like how Ryan Coupland doesn’t respect a man who sells fabric. If it wasn’t for my fabric business bored housewives and quirky 20-somethings wouldn’t have anything to tie their rooms together. I’m the reason their boring furniture has a splash of colour.

Or maybe Ryan’s just pissed I don’t sell tartan. Sorry buddy but my target audience isn’t William Wallace.

Hear me moan,

Besides writing for Out Of Lives and running my own fabric shop I also work at M&S. My branch is located in a retail park surrounded by carpet shops, restaurants and fucking B&Q. We share a carpark and trolley bays and nothing annoys me more than seeing someone shopping in MY shop with an ORANGE shopping trolley. M&S trolleys are GREEN! This isn’t Sainsbury’s for crying out loud. The orange trolleys belong to the giant orange building three doors down, not the supermarket sporting a green logo.

In hindsight that’s the most British moan I’ve had so far and anyone across the pond must be feeling the same confusion they feel when faced with a Cheeky Nando’s meme.

Here’s something we can all relate to – dogs on fabric. Need an explanation? Fine! I run my own fabric shop, which means keeping my stock in pristine condition; the fabric can’t get damp or be left in direct sunshine and it can’t have contact with any strong smells like curry spices or wet dog. I send these pristine cuts of premium quality cotton hoping the customer will never cut into them and store them in a dry place away from direct sunlight…

Then on Instagram I see a picture of a woman making a quilt, and by ‘making a quilt’ I mean “HERE’S A PICTURE OF MY DOG LAYING ALL OVER MY BRAND NEW FABRIC LOL OMG HE’S SO ADORABLE!” Yeah, your pooch is real cute, but don’t think for a second I want to use your quilt knowing your dog has had his nuts all over it. Get your shit together, woman!

I want to discuss something that happened this week in the IGN UK Podcast group. I’m choosing to voice my opinion now because I believe it’s best to mention it while it’s still fresh in everybody’s minds. The debate and the outcome haven’t bothered me at all, but considering I keep getting tagged into the threads I’m taking it as a hint that some of you want my opinion.

Basically, many of us write or produce content and have been promoting it in the group but none of us have been doing so with malicious intent. We’re not selling Ray Bans. We’re not making a profit. We’re just sharing relevant content with, as far as I’m concerned, our friends (albeit Internet ones). Unfortunately this friendly exchange has divided the group:

· Some of us see the group as a friendly community where we can share practically anything

· Others see the group the same way, but feel like some members aren’t adhering to the rules

· Then there are those who use the group for IGN/entertainment-purposes only

The admins have had the difficult task of drawing a line down the middle to please these divisions. I’m not pigeon-holing anyone, especially those who aren’t vocal members of the community, but I definitely consider the group as a friendly community where I can share practically anything. I share articles from IGN frequently but because I’m at work most of the time I stop by to have a good ol’ chin wag and a giggle with like-minded gamers.

The line that has been drawn is basically ‘continue to be friendly, talk about games more, stop sharing links to your writing/content’. It makes sense; we’re all here to make friends, we all use IGN for game-related news, and we all hate spam – but isn’t it easier to IGNORE the posts you’re not interested in? I do it every day, and if I want to complain I’ll do it openly (either here or in the group). Just because I don’t like it I don’t accuse someone of spamming.

I’ll do my best to keep the peace but it doesn’t mean I’ll do it quietly. I recommend all the brown-nosers buy a box of Kleenex.

In other news, The Smiler rollercoaster at Alton Towers crashed and injured several people. Now Alton Towers is shut down for investigation and now I’m terrified to ride my favourite rollercoaster at my favourite theme park ever again. This has left zero people smiling.

Duck Hunt,

Lee the Lamentor


Ross worked here once? what ever happened to him?
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