Metal Gear Solid V:The Phantom Pain, The Last Man on Earth and Loud Commuters

I genuinely wish this game was a brand new IP

In an effort to streamline my blog I’m going to make another cut – the intro! Its original purpose was to ease everyone in or to take a personal (or comical) dig at somebody but I feel like I have reached a point where I can dive straight into the body of my discussion – you all know what to expect by now, and if you are a first-time reader there are 16 previous articles in my backlog to sink your teeth into.

Hear me moan,

Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain isn’t available on store shelves until 1st September but there has already been a torrential downpour of positive reviews; IGN and Gamespot have given it 10/10. I quickly jumped the gun screaming at the top of my lungs, “No game can be a 10! The perfect game does not exist!” Once I emerged from the red mist I learned that although IGN consider 10 to be the perfect score it doesn’t mean the game is without flaws; a 10 simply means the game is a masterpiece.
Metal Gear Solid V The Phantom Pain Snake
I can’t argue with that logic. Everything about The Phantom Pain looks and sounds incredible. Although the world isn’t as fully realised as GTA V the amount of freedom afforded to the player is astounding – Missions are no longer a collection of linear rooms that lead to a boss fight. Pick your tools and achieve your goal in any way you see fit. Just don’t fuck it up.

It’s a shame really because I don’t intend to ever play MGS V because I find the franchise extremely alienating. It’s the last instalment in the Kojima chain of MGS games so why would I jump into it now? Did you watch Return of the Jedi before The Phantom Menace? Wait, of course you did (unless you’re a total dipshit). Here’s another example: did you watch The Deathly Hallows Part 2 before The Prisoner of Azkaban?

I feel like MGS V is receiving special treatment. Any other game would be penalised for having a confusing, convoluted plot that takes it for granted that you have played the previous titles. I genuinely wish this game was a brand new IP because the lengths that Hideo Kojima has gone to could have been the start of something truly amazing; something I would have loved to latch onto from its inception.

I’ve been watching the US sitcom The Last Man on Earth and it was really enjoyable for the first couple of episodes. It has a brilliant premise; an unknown virus has wiped out humanity. Everyone is dead except the bearded Phil Miller. With nothing to do with his life he spends his time getting drunk, looking at porn and destroying anything he can find in Tuscon, Arizona. His life seems pretty shitty but it gets worse when the last woman on Earth arrives; Carol Pilbasian is a huge pain in the ass.
THE LAST MAN ON EARTH: Will Forte as Phil Miller. THE LAST MAN ON EARTH is set for a special One-Hour Season Premiere Event, Sunday, March 1 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) and makes its time period premiere Sunday, March 8 (9:30-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2014 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Jordin Althaus/FOX
Carol is a blessing in disguise though, because she starts to transform Phil from a selfish dick into a considerate human being. Phil’s character arc had great potential but it all goes down the shitter when the second last woman on Earth arrives. His character arc comes to a standstill. The sitcom becomes a series of awkward scenes where Phil tries to impress the new lady by lying through his teeth, which always ends miserably because she knows he’s a lying douchebag.

Now I hate this show because it has devolved into a cringe-comedy where the only joke is Phil looking like an idiot in front of the hot girl. Since the shaving of his beard Phil Miller is like a completely different character; it’s like the show was handed over to a different production company mid-season. I don’t care what happens to him now.
Bus Stagecoach
There is nothing worse than being on a bus with a loud commuter who insists on talking with their friend on loud-speaker so that you can hear every word both parties are saying. The only thing that could make this situation any worse was if the commuter got in your face and started accusing you of eavesdropping into their conversation, because that’s where I’d whip out my secret ninja weapons and fuck them up.

It happened to me this week. This girl, who I have never met before and probably will never meet again, got on the bus and was chatting to her friend so casually it was like I was intruding into her bedroom. I now know things about this girl that I shouldn’t know, like how she’s technically homeless and how she receives benefits even though she has a job. On her way off the bus she told her friend that she was meeting some guy she hasn’t seen since her early school days. She jokingly quipped that her friend should phone the police if she doesn’t hear back from her.

My fingers are crossed for the worst case scenario.

In other news, Usain Bolt was run over with a Segway. I guess he’s not that fast after all.


Ross worked here once? what ever happened to him?
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