CoD Black Ops III, Star Wars: Battlefront and Jessica Curry

Watching Luke Skywalker get trampled to death by an AT-AT has left a considerable amount of trauma behind.

Hear me moan,

It was only a week ago that I was in London getting rat-arsed with other gamers, celebrating IGN UK’s 300th podcast. I was happy last week. Now I’m miserable again.

Last night the IGN UK team won a prize at the Games Media Awards for best podcast of the year, or something equally insane.

I hate to oversimplify games but I do it all the time. Some games are competitive, where your performance is converted into metrics and compared to your rivals, whereas other games use the medium as a story-telling device. The Uncharted series is renowned for being a rollercoaster ride in which every player will experience the same twists and turns. Call of Duty on the other hand is a virtual game of Cops & Robbers; a sausage of violent gunplay wrapped in a thin slice of bacon-flavoured story.

So it shouldn’t annoy me that in Black Ops III gamers can play any chapter of the campaign in any order they like, considering many of the fans prefer the “jumpy jumpy shooty shooty” parts more than the plot – but it does annoy me, because why even bother?

When I’m watching a film or reading a book I have absolute control to jump to any chapter I like so it looks like Treyarch may have touched upon a niche idea here. However, I don’t skip ahead if it’s my first time experiencing the story. Why would I? I wouldn’t have bought the damn thing if I didn’t intend to experience the entire plot.

So what’s the point in giving gamers the same freedom? If you’re the type of person who will play the last chapter of Black Ops III you may as well not bother – You sound like the type who buys CoD for the multiplayer, so just jump straight into that. There is no need to fucking faff about.

Did anyone play the Star Wars: Battlefront Beta? What did you think? The snow looked pretty rad, didn’t it? Well I don’t care how cool it looked – I can’t get over the wave of gifs that have flooded the Internet this week.

I know it isn’t canon but watching Luke Skywalker get trampled to death by an AT-AT has left a considerable amount of trauma behind. It isn’t just Luke’s demise that I find uncomfortable – his computer-generated face hangs still and emotionless on his skull. It’s as if his skin has been drooped over a mannequin.

I also don’t like how the characters seem to bounce around the environment. I know Luke and Vader can use the Force and can levitate, but Battlefront looks like everyone is a puppet being dragged around a stage. It’s all so rubbery and artificial. Like a pair of hooker tits.

I don’t want any of that to reflect poorly on the gameplay. Battlefront looks great to play – it’s just not comfortable to watch.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but Jessica Curry, one of the head developers at The Chinese Room, has quit the games industry. Don’t treat her like a Phil Fish just yet though; her reasons for quitting are understandable – health issues, toxic work environment and sexism.

According to Jessica Curry, she felt the work environment was toxic because Sony wanted Everybody’s Gone To The Rapture to be a commercial success whereas The Chinese Room wanted to create a piece of art. This isn’t going to change any time soon – Sony aren’t in it for the spiritual accolades. They’re in it to win it, bruv. They ain’t bakers but they want that dough. You get me?

The sexism though, that shit needs to stop. Jessica was mistaken as the PA because she was a woman, and she was constantly referred to as ‘the wife’ – which is strictly true because she’s married – but it’s the inferior connotation that upset her. She never felt as if she received the same credit as her male colleagues.

When I was at EGX I met two of the developers of Not GTAV and Not CoD, one of which was a lady. I didn’t assume she was the guy’s girlfriend. I had never met either of the developers before so I asked them both who were responsible for making the game. I don’t understand why it’s so difficult – if I see a woman promoting a game I don’t assume she’s a booth babe, I assume she knows a thing or two about what’s she’s doing.

It’s sad to see another female professional leave the industry. She’s not a coward. She’s a star. Without her you wouldn’t be able to slowly walk around staring at the English countryside in 1080p.

Even this year’s Apprentice is full of sexist pigs who are so intimidated by the female contestants they can’t help but make snarky comments like, “ooh, I don’t want to touch dead fish because I’m a girl and AAAH!” I don’t see why they can’t consider them as egotistical contestants – you know, like all of the men. The only difference between them is the shape of their genitals, and that’s it. They’re all clueless assholes.

In other news, the New Jersey Devil has been caught on camera.

The photographer, who snapped the photo while driving home from work, thought he saw a llama running across a golf course before it took to the skies. Take a look. I don’t know what that thing is but it isn’t the New Jersey Devil.

This is the New Jersey Devil.

That thing up there is just a goat with wings.

Want to retaliate? Post a comment or tweet me @LeeLaments. I lament every Friday but if you’re scared you’ll miss out then hit Subscribe! Don’t forget to check out all the other awesome blogs on Out of Lives and visit the Out of Lives Youtube channel and the Out of Lives Podcast.

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Ross worked here once? what ever happened to him?
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