No Man’s Sky, Hoarders and Videogame Spoilers

"I’m not, I don’t do lists"

From now on I want to try something a little different with the intro. I want to start off with some positivity for a change. That way, when the inevitable moaning starts it will make the descent that much steeper.

One of the members of Lizard Squad (the hacker community behind the DDoS attacks at Christmas) has been convicted for computer crimes. It’s good to see this little shitbag eating a cold slice of justice pie. Unfortunately he’s not going to jail but hopefully this is the first step in a much larger take-down.

Congratulations to Bethesda and Naughty Dog for bagging E3 awards. Uncharted 4 won Best Console Game but Fallout 4 came out on top with Best of Show. They’re not the only awards each game won but I’m not, I don’t do lists.

Here’s something that will give you a nerd-boner – Capcom plan to start selling Megaman helmets with working LED lights. That’s Halloween sorted!

Hear me moan,

No Man’s Sky is a game surrounded in mystery but thanks to IGN we are starting to see some questions answered. IGN recently released an 18-minute demo of No Man’s Sky and it has got me really excited for a game I’ve been extremely sceptical about. My excitement may have escalated but so has my scepticism.

I can feel myself with one foot aboard the hype train and it’s rapidly gathering speed. I want to get on board but getting on too early is dangerous, so I want to try and convince you to stay on the platform for a little longer with me.

The biggest question right now is “what is the game about?” No Man’s Sky is being described as a game that you can play in any way you want. Hello Games are painting a picture of infinite possibility but it isn’t true. We keep pretending we still don’t know what the game is but at the moment it looks like an economy simulator. It’s a game where your progress and worth is measured by how much you own. There are two currencies at play: money and knowledge. How you achieve this is entirely up to the player but there are limitations.

For example, can I catch fish and sell them on a market stall? From what we’ve seen it doesn’t look like a possibility. The game isn’t about agriculture and avoiding starvation; it’s about making money to afford better equipment. I want to think of No Man’s Sky as Second Life in space but the truth is it’s not trying to be a simulation of all things, so pitching it as a game where players can do whatever they please is misleading.

So far No Man’s Sky can be broken down into these components:

Objective: Reach the centre of the Universe

Method: Mine resources and sell information to afford the necessary equipment

Reason: So far, other than Hello Games, nobody knows

The lack of narrative or quest system is why I have my other foot firmly on solid ground. I don’t want to waste my time mining and selling data without a compelling reason to reach the centre of the Universe. Curiosity and commerce isn’t enough for me. I want rewarding for sinking my time into a game and normally an interesting story with memorable characters is it.

Arguably, it doesn’t need to have a story. No Man’s Sky might just be a race; reach the centre, you win.

I love to watch TV shows that wind me up. At the moment my poison is Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners. Sufferers of OCD are sent into the homes of hoarders to help them clean up the crap they’ve accumulated. The clean freaks are supposed to learn that a little bit of dirt won’t kill them and the irresponsible collectors are supposed to learn piling newspapers up to the ceiling isn’t acceptable.

I always find myself siding with the OCD sufferers. I don’t dust my house or vacuum frequently and I don’t soak my hands in bleach. Even though I think they are overacting I can sympathise with them.

Fuck the hoarders though. They drive me up the freaking wall. It’s not that they are lazy; they suffer from a psychological disorder where they find sentimental value in ANYTHING. Most sufferers haven’t dealt with their grief and therefore they struggle to let things go. It’s their attitude that pisses me off. They invite people into their homes to clean it and they put up so many boundaries it makes cleaning impossible.

It frustrates me because the hoarder is asking for help but they do everything in their power to prevent any progress. I can’t sit through an episode in silence. For an hour I’m constantly moaning in my fiancée’s ear – you lot are lucky you only have to deal with my shit once a week!

It also irritates me how the hoarder will declare how much they love their home and their treasured possessions, yet they allow it all to fall into disrepair. Anyone walking into their home would think the opposite and hearing them justify it makes my blood boil.

In this week’s First Time Writing Kyle went to great lengths to ruin the plot of Batman: Arkham Knight for everyone who hasn’t played it. When you see a film for the first time you want to experience it without knowing the plot because you want to be taken on a magical journey; you don’t want to spend 120 minutes sulking because you know what comes next. I’ve never fully understood why this logic applies to videogames.

Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t want a game’s story ruined for me but I’d prefer it if certain key levels/scenarios and gameplay mechanics were kept secret instead. To be honest it’s hard to spoil a game based on its mechanics because those are fundamental so they are introduced early on. Experimentation ceases halfway through a game and players rely on the skills they have honed in the first 25% – 50% of their campaign.

I hate it when I play a section of a game I’ve already watched someone else play because I end up duplicating their actions. I guess that’s the equivalent here. Experiencing a boss battle for the first time is like seeing a film for the first time – you want to go in as a virgin and come out as a seasoned veteran, not go in for sloppy seconds and come out crawling on your knees.

In other news, a 6-year-old kicked away an old man’s walking stick and told a 23-year-old to “fuck off”. The 23-year-old, wanting to show the youngster some manners, bought a pack of soap from a shop near-by and attempted to wash the kid’s mouth out with one of the bars. Unfortunately the kid made a clean getaway because the 23-year-old has been fined £100 for his vigilantism. You could say this has left a bad taste in his mouth.

Want to retaliate? Fire away in the comments below or tweet me @LeeLaments. Please subscribe and validate my existence.

Duck Hunt,

Lee the Lamentor


Ross worked here once? what ever happened to him?
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