Farewell Satoru Iwata, Hello King of the Nerds

I recommend everyone makes the same mistake I made because it’s fascinating

Earlier in the week I unintentionally listened to an E3 2014 podcast by Eurogamer. I didn’t realise it was from 2014 when I started listening to it but once I start something I see it through to the end (that’s a lie). I recommend everyone makes the same mistake I made because it’s fascinating to hear someone’s first impressions of a game when you’ve probably already completed it. It makes you feel like a god, or better yet, a time-traveller.

Chappie is out on DVD and Blu-ray now. Everyone pick that bad boy up immediately. A film has never made me cry before but Chappie was so close to destroying my masculinity. It’s nothing like Short Circuit either; Chappie isn’t a family film you’ll see on Channel 5 at 2pm.

Yager have stopped developing Dead Island 2 for publisher Deep Silver. Why is this good news? Because Yager have probably dodged a bullet. Dead Island and Dead Island: Riptide were developed by Techland and both of those games sucked, yet Dead Light was a success. Yager are responsible for Spec Ops: The Line so we know they’re capable developers too, so maybe the real problem is Deep Silver.

Jade Raymond has made the move from Ubisoft to EA and will lead a new studio called Motive. Their first game will be the Star Wars game by Amy Hennig, the creator of Uncharted and the sexy Nathan Drake. Motive will work with the Bioware team and the Star Wars game will be built using Frostbite. It is going to be insane!

Hear me moan,

Satoru Iwata, the Global President of Nintendo, sadly passed away at the age of 55. That’s young, man. My dad is of a similar age so it has really put things into perspective. I’ve fallen out of love with Nintendo recently but I’ve never projected any of my disappointment directly onto Iwata. I’ve expressed multiple times how much Nintendo is in need of young blood but Iwata’s untimely death makes me feel a little guilty. Has my opinion changed? No. Do I feel like I’ve judged Nintendo too harshly? Yes, especially now that I know how serious Iwata’s health was.

If it wasn’t for Satoru Iwata my childhood would have been shit and for that I am eternally grateful. Nintendo will inevitably change (time will tell if it’s for better or for worse) but your epic legacy has been etched in time. Farewell.

King of the Nerds UK started on Sky 1. If you’re not familiar with the show the ‘UK’ correctly implies that it’s based on a US show. It’s a reality gameshow where the contestants are a gaggle of nerds who participate in the most painful-to-watch challenges to prove who’s nerdiest. As is the case with this blog I should be moaning about King of the Nerds UK until I’m blue in the balls – I don’t like it.

I love it.

The UK version has made some changes. Some are good but others are terrible. Every week one of the challenges is judged by celebrities. The UK celebs are obviously better. In the preview of the show I caught a glimpse of Charlie Brooker and that alone has me hooked. You can guarantee I will watch every episode until I catch his guest appearance. At the end of each episode, when one of the nerds is evicted, they are ‘killed’ in a comical nerdy fashion. The US show uses the worst CGI imaginable. It’s like they’re using gifs from a Geocities website. The UK uses a more soothing animated style, and although it looks as unrealistic as CGI it is easier on the eye than a free stock-footage explosion with harsh pixelated edges.

The winner of the competition gets to sit on the Throne of Games, an obvious nod to the Iron Throne in Game of Thrones. It’s basically a chair made of memorabilia from films, comics, games and science. However, the Brits have fucking butchered the aesthetic – it’s all red and gold like a cliché throne from a low-budget period film. It couldn’t look less stereotypically ‘royal’ if the set designer tried because there is nothing left in the fancy dress shop to add to it.

Also, the intro credits have adopted a creepy Kawaii art-style that makes all the contestants look like characters from that Facebook farming game your mum plays. They look like Funko Pop! Toys.

And please, please, please find a different host for series 2 – Konnie Huq reminds of Blue Peter, luke-warm toast and going to school.

Comic-Con 2015 happened and it’s becoming increasingly more common how often trailers are being leaked. Last year I’d hop onto IGN and all the Comic-Con news would be, “awesome trailer was shown exclusively to attendees but you have to wait till Christmas, har-har”. This year it’s been, “awesome trailer was shown exclusively to attendees but you have to deal with the shaky-cam version”. I condemn their actions but I unwittingly condone it by watching what they’re uploading. I’m part of the problem!

I’m okay with little leaks that are essentially specs of rain leading up to a thunderstorm of marketing. People sharing pictures of costumes, vehicles, posters and on-set photos can barely be considered spoilers when they barely convey anything about the film. However, it pisses me off when self-entitled attention-seekers unleash a marketing campaign into the wild prematurely. It happens all the time – the ‘reveal’ is intended to be seen first during a certain ad break or before a certain movie but a few days prior it ends up on YouTube and ruins the surprise.

This is what essentially happened to Deadpool and Suicide Squad. There may have been an exciting build-up to whet our appetites but the shaky-cam trailers have forced their hand and now we get to watch the same trailers but at the right angle and in high definition.

In other news, three police officers delivered a homeless woman’s baby in Marble Arch, London. The police officers had to deliver the baby because the stork didn’t have an address to go by. This is the one kid who will never hear their mother scream, “go outside and play!”

Want to retaliate? Fire away in the comments below or tweet me @LeeLaments. Please subscribe and validate my existence.

Duck Hunt,

Lee the Lamentor


Ross worked here once? what ever happened to him?
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