An Ode To Bonking

Things that go bonk in the night.

If you smack them upside the head,

with a weapon or some sticks instead, 

That’s a bonking.

 

If you smash them between the eyes,

With some furniture laying nearby,

That’s a bonking.

 

If you swing your heavy weight,

Round and round ’til they faint,

That’s a bonking.

 

With a custard acme pie, 

Lead lined and spring fired,

That’s a bonking.

 

From on high you seal their fate,

Bouncing high as you half their height,

That’s a bonking.

 

With a long wind-up you line them up,

Arcing objects sending them dizzy,

That’s a bonking.

 

It’s their fate as they wait,

Just begging to meet you,

You can’t help but oblige,

With your methods so cliché.

 

That. is. a, bonking.

Adam’s ‘An Ode To Bonking’

 

Video games allow us to do all kinds of things we aren’t able, or allowed, to do in real life. One of the most satisfying of the bunch is bonking people on the head. You wouldn’t get far in the real world without winding up in jail if you tried it outside. So, revel with me for a moment, in one of video game’s greatest joys, as I list my top 5 ways to bonk.

 

Anything can be used to bonk your enemy on the head when you’ve got Psychokinesis powers! – Source: JunChoco

 

5. With Yourself.

A classic of the genre, what better way to prove your superiority over your foes than to step on their heads? Mario has been showing us how it is done for years. Simple, timeless, worthy of the list.

4. By Accident.

I love bonking people on the head on purpose as much as anyone but an unexpected bonking can be just as good. There’s nothing quite like seeing an enemy step into the path of an object you’ve thrown, only to get a headache for their trouble. Virtually guaranteed to make me laugh.

Why bonk your enemies one at a time when you can bonk them 20 a go from five miles away?  – Source: Invicta

 

3. With Other Enemies.

“Hey bossman, is this your peon?” I’ll chuckle to myself as I lob one of the minions at the tougher enemy. Or better yet, “Hey peons, is this your boss?”. Not usually the most effective strategy for taking down an opponent. But, what it lacks in attack power it more than makes up for in amusement levels.

2. With a Big Hammer.

I mean, there are few better ways to bonk someone than with a big hammer. Though any big blunt object will do in a pinch, a hammer is just made for this task. The more cartoonishly big, the better. 

 

How about using a giant mace? Also perfect for bonking. – Source: Koei Tecmo

 

1. From Long Range

As anyone who has read or watched my Chivalry 2 content will know, I like throwing things at enemies. Axes are great, but big hammers or rocks are very satisfying to throw at people too. Long range bonking is my favourite because of the extra risk involved. Sure, I miss quite often, but when I land a throw perfectly, I’m over the moon when it works.

 

That is an ode to bonking! One of my favourite video game activities. If you are also a fan of bonking send me your favourite methods (or clips) @APTSnack In all the usual places. You can also leave them in the comments for this post on Social Media!

 

Enjoy and happy bonking everybody! 

Categories
ArticleGamingLifestyleNintendoOpinionPCPlayStationXbox

Adam is a Writer, Editor & Podcaster here at Out of Lives. He casts a wide net across popular culture with video games & anime, in particular, featuring heavily in his work for the site. Hailing from a town just outside Glasgow, this Scotsman can usually be found roaming the Northern Realms on The Path or behind the wheel of a Supersonic Acrobatic Rocket Powered Battle-Car.
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