Nintendo NX, Metriod Prime Federation Force

I couldn’t be more British; I complain when it’s too hot and I complain when it’s too wet. I should be grateful I’m not boiling in Greece or freezing...

I couldn’t be more British; I complain when it’s too hot and I complain when it’s too wet. I should be grateful I’m not boiling in Greece or freezing in Russia, but I’m not. During my school years I went through a stage of wanting to be a meteorologist – a glorified weatherman. That would make for some truly horrifying television. Imagine me pointing at weather symbols bitching about the inevitable heatwave or thunderstorm that will ruin your day.

It feels good to get that off my chest. It feels so good I think I’ll carry on.

Hear me moan,

Earlier in the week a video ‘leaked’ purporting to show Nintendo’s next console, the Nintendo NX. It’s obviously been debunked as a fake but I was still outraged by the video. Not because I was fooled but because it perfectly highlights Nintendo’s flaws and I’m concerned that when they actually do reveal the NX it will be eerily similar to the one seen in the ‘leaked’ video.

Although streaming to tablets and phones is a no-brainer it will be an outdated concept by 2017. We will still be streaming content to our other devices in two years but Nintendo will market it as a brand-new unique selling point. Nintendo have already missed the boat. Everyone can see it but I’m not sure Nintendo can.

The list of games that were shown for NX was accompanied by logos from SNES games. It’s a redundant point to make but Nintendo will rely on its ancient franchises. It’s not particularly self-destructive because Mario makes money but their insistence to regurgitate ideas is alienating me.

Nintendo have a habit of building a brand new console for every new idea they have. Since the launch of Amiibo they have released a new 3DS. The Wii U is a Wii with a LeapFrog tablet thrown in. At least Microsoft and Sony future-proof their consoles. Omitting 4K was a blunder but they will probably fix that with their slim models. You might consider releasing slim versions the same as Nintendo updating the 3DS but at least PS4 games will still work on a PS4 Slim – not all 3DS games will play on the ‘new’ 3DS.

No matter how fake the ‘leak’ is it still rings true – that is what’s so convincing about it.

At E3 (airing Nintendo Direct at the same time still qualifies as E3) Nintendo announced a new Metroid Prime title. Fans weren’t pleased with Metroid Prime: Federation Force’s announcement because Samus Aran isn’t in it. Half of the game is also a sport where players climb into mechs and knock a ball around – Just what all the fans were asking for!

It wouldn’t be so bad if there was a new character to root for but instead players have to be faceless classes with no identity. The art style is bizarre too. The avatars look like Grunts cosplaying as Master Chief. It’s been rumoured Samus will make an appearance but I daren’t start to imagine how warped she’s going to look to fit the aesthetic of Federation Force.

Metroid fans actually started a petition to try and stop the game from being made. I am not okay with this. If you signed this petition I might be out of a job, because you are a whinier asshole than I am! If you don’t buy the game or publicise it with this pathetic activist shit then it will die a quick death. You never know, it might be retconned or written off as non-canon.

Vote with your wallet because nobody is listening to your self-entitled power struggle.

It really irks me when someone starts their post with “not game related but…”

If “not being racist but…” implies you’re about to be racist then “not game related but…” should imply you have something contradicting to say about games.

Also, why do you feel the need to declare it? It’s not spam unless you’re selling Ray Bans. Gaming is just one part of the Duck Hunt community. We celebrate movies, music, comics, pop culture, the little annoyances in life and we congratulate one another for a plethora of reasons – marriage, children, birthdays – so relax, man. It’s all cool, bro.

In other news, a dolphin leapt onto a boat and assaulted a family. The father claims the dolphin punched his daughter.

Want to retaliate? Fire away in the comments below or tweet me @LeeLaments.

Duck Hunt,

Lee the Lamentor


Ross worked here once? what ever happened to him?
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