Last week I asked you to get in touch by either commenting or tweeting me @LeeLaments but guess what? Not a single comment and not a single tweet, so fuck you guys. I will force my words down your throat and I don’t care what you have to say about it.
Quantum Break and Scalebound are the two best examples for buying an Xbox One. Time travel combat and a dragon sidekick – what more could I ask for, besides asking for them to launch on the PS4?
Scalebound is everything I’m hoping The Last Guardian will be (which it won’t be) and Quantum Break is everything I want Singularity 2 to be (which it won’t be).
Autodesk have launched a new games engine called Stingray that will aid AAA and Indie developers across most platforms, including Oculus Rift. Stingray was created to tackle the major transition that the games industry has made into virtual reality, augmented reality and mobile. It might seem irrelevant to us right now but games take years to make and Autodesk are laying the groundwork for future games development.
Sony are launching a new feature called Vote to Play that will see players voting for a game to be available as part of the free games line-up offered to PS+ members. It won’t be available every month but this is certainly a great way to involve PS4 owners. The only issue is whether or not the games you can vote for are worth voting for at all.
Hear me moan,
The Great British Bake Off started on Wednesday night on BBC1. If you’ve never heard of it then it’s essentially a baking competition where bakers bake. The judges are treated like royalty and the presenters, Sue and Mel, make innuendos that leave toffs choking on their afternoon tea. There’s nothing particularly bad about The Great British Bake Off – it’s an easy watch and something to talk about at work the following day – but I’m bored of the format, and it’s so difficult to root for anyone in the first episode because half of the contestants will have left by the time the competition gets serious.
My biggest criticism is how diverse the contestants are. They tick all the boxes; you’ve got a mopey Caribbean from Preston, a camp-but-married male nurse, a creative house husband, a hairy Welshman, a European milf, a hipster, a gran, the white horse of the competition, a politically-correct Asian, a student, a strong-but-sensitive guy and an over-caring mother.
Great British Bake Off
This is either the best representation of modern-day Britain or the BBC is trying to cater (ha!) to a larger audience.
When I’ve ran out of podcasts or when I’m not travelling alone I listen to Radio 1. When I listen to the radio I expect to hear authentic music. What I don’t want to hear on my commute is a spoof chorus recorded and inserted into an original song by the Radio 1 crew. I am of course talking about Chris Stark’s Farming Remix of Avicii’s Waiting For Love.
There’s nothing wrong with Chris Stark. He’s a wonderful Radio 1 co-host (because calling him a Radio 1 DJ is pushing the boat out) who has written and recorded a brilliant piece of viral humour but where’s the sympathy for the Avicii fans who simply want to hear Waiting For Love all the way through without Stark ruining it? Because of Stark I can’t listen to this song without anticipating his spoof chorus and I can’t enjoy Waiting For Love until we’re past it. It’s stressful. Listening to Radio 1 should not, in any circumstance, be stressful!
I used to think microconsoles were a genius idea. When I first heard of Ouya and its competitors I backed the movement completely. I didn’t donate any money through Kickstarter, obviously, but in my mind I was definitely spurring everyone involved onwards and upwards. The truth is, I never intended on purchasing an Ouya or a Gamestick – I remember walking past a GAME and seeing them both for sale. I thought, “Wouldn’t it be awesome to play my mobile games at home on the big screen? These things are super rad!” but I carried on walking past that GAME with my wallet still fat with cash.
I was flicking through the Argos catalogue and noticed Google have their own microconsole called Nexus Player, which only seems fitting since the majority use the Android OS, and it made me question who exactly these machines are for. The premise of them is brilliant but in reality the audience doesn’t exist. I play my mobile games on my mobile phone, whether I’m being mobile or not. The TV is usually on in the background. If I was to use my television to play a game it would be on my PS4, not a microconsole.
The microconsole was dead before it was even born. I know nobody who owns one. I’ve seen very little interest in them online. I haven’t read a single anecdote about microconsoles in the IGN UK Podcast Facebook community page. It’s as if the damn things don’t exist.
Speaking of things that don’t exist…
In other news, alien crabs have been spotted on Mars. Or, to be more precise, conspiracy theorists have concluded that the strange shape they are referring to can’t possibly be part of the natural rock on a planet we know nothing about.
Space Crab on Mars
If I was to put my tinfoil hat on I would say it looks more like an alien hieroglyph than it does an orange space crustacean. There are no puns or witty responses that can make this bullshit noise sound anymore ridiculous than it already is.
Lee the Lamentor